Drawing the Line

Boundaries. Fences. Partitions. They perform a vital role in our lives. I have the benefit of working in an office I decorated and created to please and reflect me. It is a space in which I feel comfortable, relaxed and productive. You can tell a lot about me by visiting my work space. It is drenched in warm, spicy colors which tickle my creativity and yet soothes the savage beast within in the evenings as the golden walls glow in lamp light.

Besides defining us, walls keep others out of our space when needed. I can close the door to my office. Workers can position their desks in such a way as to suggest, "Knock before you enter." Walls are very important boundaries, much like fences around yards define personal space and protect turf.

Personal boundaries are much like walls and fences. Personal preferences, feelings and thoughts are all examples of boundaries.

We should not be surprised that boundaries are an important topic since they were ordained by God. God established the universe with a certain order and specific boundaries. We read, in the story of creation, that "the earth was formless and empty; darkness was over the face of the deep." (Genesis 1: 2) Then something wonderful happened. God created — and He used boundaries to create. "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." (Genesis 1: 6) God took out His giant color crayon and made definitions between the land, water and heavens.

God created and created. Different animals, different plants and vegetation, different celestial bodies. Then He created His masterpiece. He created man, and ultimately someone quite different from man — woman.

God created natural boundaries between the land and the water so the earth could function in a manner that supports life. We need to follow His example and establish emotional, spiritual and physical boundaries so our lives can function in a healthy way. These relationship boundaries determine what things are and are not our responsibility. Failing to understanding this principle — what is and what is not our responsibility and living accordingly — is a critical mistake many people make. Allow me to illustrate.

Healthy boundaries help you:
• Know what you think
• Be able to say yes to good things and no to bad things
• Know how to make healthy decisions
• Know how our thoughts are different from others' points of view
• Take responsibility for our actions, and not the actions of others
• Know how to set limits on others' intrusions into our lives
• Respect others' ability to say yes and no, and honor their decisions

I know that all sounds simple but it is not at all easy when you do not have established boundaries for your life. Life is like the waves hitting the beach. Sometimes is rolls along gently and you can depend on it. Other times, it comes crashing in fierce and destructive. For such times, bulkheads are built to protect the land, homes and people. The boundaries are placed to keep the destructive waves at bay as much as possible. Such are the boundaries we need for our lives.

Spiritually, we need to know what we KNOW of the role Jesus has in our lives or we are subject to the whim and waves of every new ‘fad faith’ that comes along. Without spiritual boundaries, we can be swept away by the pressures and sins of human nature.

Emotionally, our boundaries are the ‘good fences that make good neighbors’. There will always be those that tell you what you ‘should’ think, feel and/or do and heaven help you if you’re not confident in your emotional boundaries, because these people, even though some may be well intentioned, can be relentless and dogged in their pursuit of ‘helping’ you with their insight and wisdom they assume you don’t have without benefit of help. Established boundaries in your personal life are essential when you’re surrounded by such ‘helpful’ people.

A lesson I learned the hard way is that if you do not have established boundaries in your relationships, you will find no shortage of people drawing them for you. It may feel counter-Christian to put your boundaries before others’ but, Friends, Jesus had boundaries. He spent much time of being accessible to those around Him but He also knew when to retreat behind the boundary walls to renew, restore and get up close and personal with The Father alone. There was time He spent with just His inner circle, too. Another boundary. We need not feel selfish in establishing boundaries.