Manners Matter - Revisited

Last night we received a phone call from our grandson, Daniel, now 12 1/2 years old. He was passing time and thought to give us a call. Papa John put him on speakerphone so we could both listen. Daniel is an engaging child and we enjoy him. He and his siblings lived with us for several years; a life altering event for one and all.

Two things came up during the conversation that made the hearts of these grandparents proud and thankful. One, Daniel used excellent manners when speaking to us. We are from a time in space where saying "yes, Ma'am and no, Sir" were expected; we passed that on to our children and our children's children. We taught that saying "yeah?" or "what?" when we called their name was unacceptable and, rather than calling out from another room, they were to come to us to see what we wanted. To us, these were basic good manners. The conversation last night showed that Daniel respected us enough to address us with the decorum we instilled even though he is no longer under our roof. Secondly, he talked about he and his brother doing their household chores that day. He said they discussed the fact that they learned to do them the right way because we taught them to and they were glad we had because they would have gotten in trouble had they not. Wow! This brought a tear to my eye. Every now and then you hear something like that and realize you must have done something right once in a while when bring up the children. Those rare moments are nuggets of parenting gold!

As we move into the last few days before Christmas, be aware of your own manners toward others and their's. I'm sharing some thoughts on that subject below. Manners matter, no matter who you are!

Lynn

Manners Matter- Revisited
We now live in a world where your life can be made miserable, sometimes even threatened, if you are not considered 'politically correct'. You may offend one race, religion, ethnic group, political group, short people, tall people, fat people, skinny people, carnivores, vegetarians, vegans, beer drinkers, wine sippers, teetotalers, people living in the north, people living in the south, east coasters, west coasters, mountain dwellers, farmers, motorcyclists, SUV drivers, red scarves, blue scarves, cyclist, runners, joggers, gym goers, yoga enthusiast, rock climbers, chess players, those in gated communities, those in mobile homes, those that pray, those that don't want you to be able to pray, etc, etc, etc........this is but a small list of potential offenses.

My goodness, it is enough to boggle the mind! Who, pray tell, sits around and makes the decisions on what is or isn't politically correct? Do they get paid for this or is it a labor of love? At one time I thought there needed be a book with all the Do's and Don'ts listed but then I realized that could not be possible; who would decide what color the book, the materials the cover would be made of, the language it was written in? Again, the list goes on.

If you want a micro-view of the state of personal interaction in the world, just observe a group of children for a while. I had the opportunity to do so this past weekend and it is not always a pretty sight. The old adage that children learn what they live rings loud and true today! In any restaurant you will find someone among the diners that is oblivious to those around them or simply may not care regardless. So they behave in such a manner that it is obvious they have no consideration for anyone else. This is played out in every school cafeteria across the country.

Perhaps I am showing my age but I believe that manners absolutely DO matter. If people simply used common courtesy and basic good manners, this world would be a better place. Therein lies the problem; what constitutes 'common courtesies and good manners'? Cultural dictations being as diverse as they are make this a mine field of opportunities to misstep. But in our own country, there should be a standard accepted as the norm without fear of being politically incorrect.

When training people for the mission field we are careful to research and teach cultural differences so as to not offend our host countries people. This makes sense. What possible good could we do if we walked around offending people all the time?!

Shouldn't we do as much for our children? I believe, as a nation, we have gone too far in the direction of protecting people's rights to be obnoxious and rude. It becomes dangerous when we protect rights to be demanding and self-serving but do not protects the rights to common courtesy. It will never be important on a national level unless it is taught and expected in every home. I'm not talking about insisting that each child be taught which fork to use in a formal setting, I'm talking about teaching and requiring our children to thoughtful, considerate, compassionate people; requiring more of themselves and passing a heritage of good manners and civilities on to their own children, generation after generation. As it stands now, we are rearing generations of educated savages. If you think that is too strong a comment, go to a school playground at recess.

The state of our children reflects the state of our nation. We have lazy, selfish, unmotivated children with a high level of entitlement that will one day be the leaders of our country. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule but as a whole, we are in trouble. When children are allowed to be rude and ugly to one another, as well as with adults, we are perpetuating a mentality that eats away at the core of moral values. Manners and good behavior starts at home. Etiquette starts there but should continue on throughout a lifetime. When people start treating each other as one person of value and worth to another, then and only then will we have a chance to build the kind of world worthy of passing on.

Manners matter! Pass them on.