Family Ties

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.

I ran across a profound story that shows what happens when the family structure breaks down — but this didn’t have to do with people — it had to do with elephants.

In Kruger National Park in South Africa a group of adolescent bull elephants whose family members had been gunned down during a culling operation were transported to another wildlife reserve. While at the other reserve, the young elephants embarked on a killing spree that lasted several years leaving more than 100 animals dead, including 40 white rhinoceroses. To stop the killing, a strategy was implemented to ship in older male elephants from Kruger to establish a new male hierarchy which would keep the adolescent elephants in check. Thus the killing stopped.

Like human society, the elephant family defines established roles for training and discipline in family life. And like humans, young elephants require a prolonged period of nurture with family units to prepare them for adult life. Damage and loss in family life will produce painful and sometimes devastating results. In this situation the loss of the mature males was catastrophic.

Many of us in the body of Messiah did not have healthy parental role models, and some have had none at all; but our life as a believing family will generally begin to improve, correct, and heal the results of broken family life from which many suffer. Mature believers need serve as role models and examples, not only to our children, but also to younger believers.

Ideally, Christian leaders are healthy role models, but we do not live in an ideal world and we are humans needing grace like everyone else. Expectations will not always be met and may even be severely disappointed. Our saving grace is that we all have a Heavenly Father who is a perfect parent, and who can love and nurture us in both male and female ways, and who is also able to provide human role models and healers to help bring us to wholeness.

Be thankful for any good parenting you have received; forgive all that was negative or deficient. Then ask your Heavenly Father to parent you by His personal parental love and providence in your human relationships. This will free you from deep resentment and bitterness, and will begin to move you toward maturity and peace, and will prepare you to be a good parent and role model for others.

Through the Eyes of a Child

Isaiah 11:6 - The wolf also shall dwell with the lamb, and the leopard shall lie down with the kid; and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little child shall lead them.

This past week we had our grandson, Braden, stayed a couple of days to visit. It was delightful to have him here. He’s an observant, deep kid in spite of his total pesky boy times. Can you hear the chorus of “Boys will be boys”? I can. During that time, I tried to look at my world through his eyes because he found wonder in the things I took for granted.

He commented one evening that we were good parents to our dogs. I had trained our little Chihuahuas, Nikos and Pan Dulce, to use the puppy stairs to get on the couch. All I have to say is ‘stairs’ and they go around to them and walk up. Braden thought that was awesome.

We keep a blanket or sheet folded up on one end of the chaise part of our sectional couch for another of our dogs, Chelsie. She has long beautiful blond hair and our couch is dark denim blue…We allow Chelsie on the couch, too, but she knows the command ‘blanket’ and stays there for the most part. She gets sneaky and tries to inch her way to any people sitting on the couch but goes back with a reminder command. She’s not exactly lap dog size, though she thinks she is.

None of the dogs are allowed up on the couch unless they are invited. This lesson has been the hardest for Nina, the youngest and rather impulsive ChiWeenie, our Chihuahua/Dachshund mix. She can spring up like a gazelle and takes every opportunity to do so, right into anyone’s lap to kiss their face all over. To maintain any semblance of order in a four dog house, boundaries have to be set.

When I started writing this I was frustrated by our dogs barking in the back. Any little wild rabbit or feral cat that crosses through our back yard sets them off and they bark. I was telling myself, “Dogs will be dogs and they think they are protecting our home.” I know that to be true, but it was irritating anyway.

Back to their boundaries, we have our back porch and their potty run fenced in so they cannot just run about the neighborhood. It is neighborhood policy to keep dogs penned, though not everyone complies, but our concern is also for the small ones. They would be a tasty treat for a coyote or hawk. And they are just too cute not to tempt an unscrupulous person to claim them as their own. We have a friend in the village that does not pen their dogs and have lost several over the years to cars, snake bites and even other dogs. So, fence it is. They have a doggy door and can come & go into the house as they choose. Even within the flexibility of that they have boundaries. When we need to keep them contained, like when I’m cooking dinner, we put a baby gate in the doorway between the kitchen and utility room. They are in out of the elements but not under my feet as I cook. They have automatic feeder & water bowls available to them at all times in the utility room that has blankets covering the hard floor for their comfort. It’s a pretty cushy life, all in all.

I said all that to say this, seeing it through Braden’s eyes gave me a new perspective. Even as a child, he saw the love and care we had for our pets and commented on it. He knew the rules and boundaries we kept for them and still called us good parents. Each of the four dogs has their own personality and quirks and tries to push the boundaries when they think they can but thrive in our home under those boundaries. Are we any different from them when it comes to living within the boundaries of a Christian faith walk?

 
Our loving Father set boundaries for us to ensure our eternal safety and well being. Some ‘bark’ about it, calling it restrictive and confining. People will be people, after all. Others, like Nina, are repeatedly rebuked when they ignore the lessons. Some, just as Chelsie, think they can sneak slowly into disobedience and no one will notice. We’ve all seen those people that think their ‘cuteness’ will buy them favor and parental attention, this is Pan Dulce’s ploy. Last but not least, we have those, like Nikos, that hold fast to their leadership positions believing they are exempt from time to time. Still, our Father loves us unconditionally and leaves the boundaries in place because He does. He’s a good people parent, an example to follow.