The Cost of Forgiveness

Matthew 18:35 NIV Forgive your brother from your heart

I read an article on forgiveness that hit me with the ‘ole one, two punch.’ Like all of you, learning to completely forgive and what that means has been an ongoing process for me. Just about the time I think I’ve got it figured out, another facet of forgiveness is brought to my attention either by my need to forgive or through an insight the Lord shared with me. Today, it came through an article by Neil Anderson. Read what he has to say slowly…this may mean you have to deliberately slow down and/or reread it several times but it is weighty enough to warrant the effort.

Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil we forgive. Yet you're going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness. That's how Jesus forgave you--He took the consequences of your sin upon Himself. All true forgiveness is substitutional, because no one really forgives without bearing the penalty of the other person's sin.

Wow, ‘Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil we forgive’. Jesus paid for our sin on the cross, just as He did for those that sin against us. We know that, we believe that. We also know the consequences of sin are not taken away even though forgiveness has been made possible through Jesus. This is WHY we still have to deal with the costly consequences of the sin we, too, forgave. They are here on earth with us, around us, in us and manifested in ways that affect us, like it or not. Forgiving is the first step of healing, not the last. Yet you're going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness.

Why then do we forgive? Because Christ forgave us. God the Father "made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:21). Where is the justice? The cross makes forgiveness legally and morally right: "For the death that He died, He died to sin, once for all" Romans 6:10.

How do you forgive from the heart as instructed in our reference scripture? First, you acknowledge the hurt and the hate. If your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your past, it will be incomplete. This is the great evangelical cover-up. Christians feel the pain of interpersonal offenses, but we won't acknowledge it. Let God bring the pain to the surface so He can deal with it. This is where the healing takes place.

This part hit home for me: If your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your past, it will be incomplete. This is the great evangelical cover-up. As Christians, we tend to think ourselves less Christ-like when we feel anger and hurt, so we sprinkle a little ‘holy water’ on ourselves and climb up on our spiritual high horses above the ugliness of both the sin against us and the feelings we have endured because of it. Ignoring it does not ‘forgiveness’ make. It doesn’t ‘feel good’ so we push it back into the recesses of our minds and think around it, all the while abscess and infection is quietly eating away at us because we did not allow for healing from God.

Ask God to bring to your mind those you need to forgive. Make a list of all those who have offended you. Since God has forgiven them by His grace, you can forgive them too. For each person on your list, say: "Lord, I forgive (name) for (offenses)." Keep praying about each individual until you are sure that all the remembered pain has been dealt with. Don't try to rationalize or explain the offender's behavior. Forgiveness deals with your pain, not another's behavior. Remember: Positive feelings will follow in time; freeing yourself from the past is the critical issue.

Forgiveness is Serious Business

Proverbs 17:9 He who covers over an offense promotes love ...

This morning I headed to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and saw some tasks I had ‘intended’ to do last night staring at me, quite undone this morning. I was miffed at myself about it but promptly justified it. In a matter of seconds I saw the offense, justified it and blew it off. I even tossed in a quick, “Sorry, Lord” for good measure. Then it came…tap, tap, tap.

I hung my head, not because my offense was so dastardly, but because of the nonchalant attitude about letting myself off the hook and less than sincere apology to my Lord. “Really, Girlie, you’re gonna get flippant to the Lord as the start to your day?” You see, if you dismiss your wrongs and failings without so much as a nod of the head, you are setting up a pattern of easily skating through life. Little things become big things and your ‘get off the hook’ card gets bent with so much use…or is that abuse?

You might think this is a bit overboard, it was after all just a few tasks left undone, but follow the line of thinking. I’m not saying we should beat ourselves up over every little thing. I am saying we need to be accountable, as Christians, and not give ourselves permission to slack off when we would surely hold the next guy’s feet to the fire. You might be thinking this doesn’t apply to you. Really? Look around. When was the last time you heard of, saw or had knowledge of something someone had done wrong and made your mind up about the penalty that person should be dealt, yet, you quickly justified your own? Hmmm….  

But, you may say, Jesus paid for our sins and we are forgiven. We are much quicker to forgive ourselves than we are the next guy that offends us. Jesus gives us stern and uncompromising warnings about forgiveness.  

First, we must not try to minimize or dismiss the offense as if it never happened. If it hurts, then we must face it and feel it. A common misconception that keeps people from forgiving is that they think in order to forgive they must come to the place where they look upon the things done to them as being really not that bad. That is excusing, not forgiving.

C. S. Lewis says: "Real forgiveness means looking steadily at the sin, the sin that is left over without any excuse after all allowances have been made, and seeing it in all its horror, dirt, meanness and malice, and nevertheless being wholly reconciled to the man who has done it. That, and only that, is forgiveness."

Second, we must see that forgiveness is not an emotional thing (though it can affect the emotions), but a matter of the will. It is making the decision that the wrong done against you will not count or cause a separation. In making that decision, remember you have all the resources of God available to you. This applies not just to minor matters like snubs, but major matters. The task of forgiving must be more than a match for the magnitude of the pain involved. Our text today makes clear that a choice is involved. No matter how we are wronged, we can choose out of a desire for love to forgive. Jesus Christ looked into the eyes of those who hammered Him to a cross and cried: "Father, forgive them."

Let's Dance

Lamentations 3:22-23 The Lord’s love never ends; his mercies never stop.  They are new every morning.

I reference this scripture often in Truth in the Morning because it is so vital to my faith and how I get through each new day! Without the knowledge I had His everlasting love and fresh mercies to wake up to I know I would have more trouble sleeping and less enthusiasm for getting up in the mornings. I never take it for granted though I know it is written in scripture, therefore I can count on it being there, but rather I ponder it, wallow in it, revel in the awesomeness of it and thank God daily for it. I need it like I need air to breathe.

Have you noticed how people like to compare themselves to other people when it comes to sin? It’s as if they justify their own sin by thinking it isn’t as ‘deep a shade of sinful’ as the other guy’s. Guess what…when it comes to shades of sin, God is colorblind. It is either sin or it’s not. It’s like being pregnant, either you are or you aren’t. There is no such thing as a little bit pregnant nor is there a little bit of a sinner. For this reason, my Friends, I need God’s fresh new mercies every morning! I am a sinner. I do not set out to be but I know that I am. So are you. That, too, is in scripture. Here is a little Truth in the Morning for you…

1 John 1:8 If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us.

 
Yet we have the promise of The Lord’s love never ends; his mercies never stop.  They are new every morning. This is why I do the ‘Thank You, Jesus, Happy Dance’ and talk about His fresh mercies so often. Come on, try it! You know you need it…

Pull It Up by the Roots

Hebrews 12:14,15 Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.

When you are offended or disappointed by others and allow the hurt to germinate in your heart, bitterness and resentment will take root. Characterized by an unforgiving spirit and generally negative, critical attitudes, bitterness and resentment are both sinful and self-defeating. 

Bitterness is a malignancy that makes a person extremely vulnerable to unwise decisions and destructive thought patterns that infiltrate and affect our bodies as well as our souls. It may aggravate or even cause physical problems.
 

Rom. 12:14-21 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, ’Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says the Lord. Therefore if your enemy hungers, feed him; if he thirsts, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

God can free you from the sin of bitterness. It is an oppressive and destructive emotion that is the root of resentment, anger, hate and other negative emotions, which when not dealt with may even lead to violence. No one can have peace and happiness with such emotions raging within. That is why you must repent. If you have not done so, ask God to forgive you and come into your life right now. He will deliver you from the power of the enemy (Psalm 91:3).

Ephesians 4:31,32 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.

Luke 23:34 Then Jesus said, ’Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do’".

Matthew 6:14,15 For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses".

If you are already a Christian, plead with God to forgive you for being bitter and resentful. Then ask Him to forgive anyone who may have hurt you, and toward whom you are bitter or resentful and angry, even as He forgives you. Look for opportunities to demonstrate love to the person who offended you.

God forgives and forgets sin. However, you may have made your best effort to forgive and forget, only to find that you cannot. God can help you to cleanse your memory. Instead of remembering with malice and hurt, remember with forgiveness. Then go one step further and ask God to forgive your offender. When you forgive and ask God to also forgive your offender, you release God to bless you and the other person.
 

Anger

Ephesians 4:31-32  “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” 

Anger is an emotion we all feel from time to time. Too often people use it as a tool or weapon to beat others into submission. Many hide behind anger when the true emotions they feel are just too painful to bear. Anger is everywhere and it is an insidious parasite that destroys when given free reign.

Anger is a great motivator when you have to do something you don’t really want to do. It can be a powerful driving force that overcomes every obstacle, practically guaranteeing success. With emotion running high, everything suddenly becomes do-able. No one will mess with an angry person. Known anyone like that? Been that person yourself? What a high price for questionable success! Unfortunately, anger works too well. It’s habit forming. But it is not God’s way. 

The Bible teaches us the difference between righteous anger and anger that seeks its own way. We, as Believers, are guilty of claiming righteous anger when it is only thinly veiled self-serving anger. We need to tread lightly and prayerfully here, for the consequences self-righteous anger are no different than those of the non-believer walking in unadulterated and un-tempered anger.

Consider the account of Jesus throwing out the money changers in the Temple in Matthew 21:12-13.  Jesus was justifiably angry. The money changers were buying the animals the people brought in for the sacrifice. They were paying a low price in temple money. In short they were taking advantage of the poor and making a tremendous profit, all in God’s Temple. Jesus put a stop to this outrage. 

We humans have a tendency to get mad. We get mad at the people we love. We get mad at the people who wrong us. We get mad when things don’t turn out the way we expect and/or want. Sometimes we are just plain mad. If you think about it, anger seems to be the main way issues are handled. It’s a habit of behavior that becomes so commonplace in our lives, we don’t even realize it. 

The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26-27, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil.”  (KJV)  

Anger that is out of control always leads to sin. Think about it…anything can happen when anger is in control. Words come out of our mouths that bring shame and cause division. Our wrong actions hurt others and destroy our testimony.  

We are to be under God’s authority and under the control of the Holy Spirit, not controlled by anger. We are not our own. We belong to Jesus. We represent Him to others. What must they think of Him when they see Believers out of control?  

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.” Ephesians 4:29-30 

Not only are we told not to sin in our anger, but we are told to put aside those emotions that lead to sin. That’s a biggie! Habits are difficult to break. We need to learn new ways to handle life’s upsets and disappointments. Ask the Lord to help. Without Him, we will continue to be in bondage to our anger.