The Cost of Forgiveness

Matthew 18:35 NIV Forgive your brother from your heart

I read an article on forgiveness that hit me with the ‘ole one, two punch.’ Like all of you, learning to completely forgive and what that means has been an ongoing process for me. Just about the time I think I’ve got it figured out, another facet of forgiveness is brought to my attention either by my need to forgive or through an insight the Lord shared with me. Today, it came through an article by Neil Anderson. Read what he has to say slowly…this may mean you have to deliberately slow down and/or reread it several times but it is weighty enough to warrant the effort.

Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil we forgive. Yet you're going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness. That's how Jesus forgave you--He took the consequences of your sin upon Himself. All true forgiveness is substitutional, because no one really forgives without bearing the penalty of the other person's sin.

Wow, ‘Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil we forgive’. Jesus paid for our sin on the cross, just as He did for those that sin against us. We know that, we believe that. We also know the consequences of sin are not taken away even though forgiveness has been made possible through Jesus. This is WHY we still have to deal with the costly consequences of the sin we, too, forgave. They are here on earth with us, around us, in us and manifested in ways that affect us, like it or not. Forgiving is the first step of healing, not the last. Yet you're going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness.

Why then do we forgive? Because Christ forgave us. God the Father "made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:21). Where is the justice? The cross makes forgiveness legally and morally right: "For the death that He died, He died to sin, once for all" Romans 6:10.

How do you forgive from the heart as instructed in our reference scripture? First, you acknowledge the hurt and the hate. If your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your past, it will be incomplete. This is the great evangelical cover-up. Christians feel the pain of interpersonal offenses, but we won't acknowledge it. Let God bring the pain to the surface so He can deal with it. This is where the healing takes place.

This part hit home for me: If your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your past, it will be incomplete. This is the great evangelical cover-up. As Christians, we tend to think ourselves less Christ-like when we feel anger and hurt, so we sprinkle a little ‘holy water’ on ourselves and climb up on our spiritual high horses above the ugliness of both the sin against us and the feelings we have endured because of it. Ignoring it does not ‘forgiveness’ make. It doesn’t ‘feel good’ so we push it back into the recesses of our minds and think around it, all the while abscess and infection is quietly eating away at us because we did not allow for healing from God.

Ask God to bring to your mind those you need to forgive. Make a list of all those who have offended you. Since God has forgiven them by His grace, you can forgive them too. For each person on your list, say: "Lord, I forgive (name) for (offenses)." Keep praying about each individual until you are sure that all the remembered pain has been dealt with. Don't try to rationalize or explain the offender's behavior. Forgiveness deals with your pain, not another's behavior. Remember: Positive feelings will follow in time; freeing yourself from the past is the critical issue.

Giving Thanks 365 days a Year

Ephesians 5:20 giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ

Oh, what wishy-washy people we are. Yesterday I wrote about struggling with anger and today I was moved to write on showing thankfulness. Does that mean that my anger is abated and I no longer struggle? No. There will always be issues that irk us and rouse the bear of anger within. All the while, the things I have to be thankful for are still in my life and I can express that as well. For instance, physical pain is a part of my daily life and some days/nights are worse than others. Yesterday was a ‘not so good’ day. Yet, as I lay in bed awaiting sleep and trying to ignore the areas that hurt, I felt my little pup, Nikos snuggle up next to me. The warmth of him was comforting and stroking his silky fur relaxed me. I felt a smile replace the pursed lips of discomfort and I was thanking God for my puppy, the comfort He brought me through that little bundle of fur and for His mercy and forgiveness. I must have fallen into a peaceful sleep quickly for that is the last I remember.

I don’t know about you but I would much rather go to sleep giving thanks than counting my cares or cursing people and/or pain.

Being thankful doesn’t mean you are pretending the unpleasant things in life do not exist, it means you recognize the source of all for which to be thankful is your God of provision and acknowledging Him with praise in spite of circumstantial issues. Yesterday, my granddaughter, Elizabeth, was home and able to go for my morning walk with me. Shortly into our trip around the park, she asked if my knees had stopped hurting. I told her no, they were still painful. She then asked why I was going for a walk when they still hurt. I told her life goes on even in the midst of pain and I would have missed all the beauty of the park, the playful squirrels, the fresh air and quality time walking with her if I let myself focus only on the pain. I have too much to be thankful for to waste time on that.

We have choices, you know. We can choose that on which our thoughts dwell. I tend not to bother with ‘why me?’ or ‘what did I do to deserve this?’ and view them as a waste of time. In the big picture does it really matter anyway? I have a dear friend that shares my need to discover what lesson the Lord may be showing us through almost every situation and circumstance. We put our heads and prayers together to see where He takes it. Sometimes the storms of life last longer than others and it takes a while to get past the dark cloud to look for the silver lining but there is always a promise of God shining through like the rainbow and a positive to take away from every situation. We just have to choose to watch for them rather than pouting through the rain.

Anger

Ephesians 4:31-32  “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” 

Anger is an emotion we all feel from time to time. Too often people use it as a tool or weapon to beat others into submission. Many hide behind anger when the true emotions they feel are just too painful to bear. Anger is everywhere and it is an insidious parasite that destroys when given free reign.

Anger is a great motivator when you have to do something you don’t really want to do. It can be a powerful driving force that overcomes every obstacle, practically guaranteeing success. With emotion running high, everything suddenly becomes do-able. No one will mess with an angry person. Known anyone like that? Been that person yourself? What a high price for questionable success! Unfortunately, anger works too well. It’s habit forming. But it is not God’s way. 

The Bible teaches us the difference between righteous anger and anger that seeks its own way. We, as Believers, are guilty of claiming righteous anger when it is only thinly veiled self-serving anger. We need to tread lightly and prayerfully here, for the consequences self-righteous anger are no different than those of the non-believer walking in unadulterated and un-tempered anger.

Consider the account of Jesus throwing out the money changers in the Temple in Matthew 21:12-13.  Jesus was justifiably angry. The money changers were buying the animals the people brought in for the sacrifice. They were paying a low price in temple money. In short they were taking advantage of the poor and making a tremendous profit, all in God’s Temple. Jesus put a stop to this outrage. 

We humans have a tendency to get mad. We get mad at the people we love. We get mad at the people who wrong us. We get mad when things don’t turn out the way we expect and/or want. Sometimes we are just plain mad. If you think about it, anger seems to be the main way issues are handled. It’s a habit of behavior that becomes so commonplace in our lives, we don’t even realize it. 

The Bible says in Ephesians 4:26-27, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: neither give place to the devil.”  (KJV)  

Anger that is out of control always leads to sin. Think about it…anything can happen when anger is in control. Words come out of our mouths that bring shame and cause division. Our wrong actions hurt others and destroy our testimony.  

We are to be under God’s authority and under the control of the Holy Spirit, not controlled by anger. We are not our own. We belong to Jesus. We represent Him to others. What must they think of Him when they see Believers out of control?  

“Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption.” Ephesians 4:29-30 

Not only are we told not to sin in our anger, but we are told to put aside those emotions that lead to sin. That’s a biggie! Habits are difficult to break. We need to learn new ways to handle life’s upsets and disappointments. Ask the Lord to help. Without Him, we will continue to be in bondage to our anger.