The Cost of Forgiveness

Matthew 18:35 NIV Forgive your brother from your heart

I read an article on forgiveness that hit me with the ‘ole one, two punch.’ Like all of you, learning to completely forgive and what that means has been an ongoing process for me. Just about the time I think I’ve got it figured out, another facet of forgiveness is brought to my attention either by my need to forgive or through an insight the Lord shared with me. Today, it came through an article by Neil Anderson. Read what he has to say slowly…this may mean you have to deliberately slow down and/or reread it several times but it is weighty enough to warrant the effort.

Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil we forgive. Yet you're going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness. That's how Jesus forgave you--He took the consequences of your sin upon Himself. All true forgiveness is substitutional, because no one really forgives without bearing the penalty of the other person's sin.

Wow, ‘Forgiveness is agreeing to live with the consequences of another person's sin. Forgiveness is costly; we pay the price of the evil we forgive’. Jesus paid for our sin on the cross, just as He did for those that sin against us. We know that, we believe that. We also know the consequences of sin are not taken away even though forgiveness has been made possible through Jesus. This is WHY we still have to deal with the costly consequences of the sin we, too, forgave. They are here on earth with us, around us, in us and manifested in ways that affect us, like it or not. Forgiving is the first step of healing, not the last. Yet you're going to live with those consequences whether you want to or not; your only choice is whether you will do so in the bondage of bitterness or the freedom of forgiveness.

Why then do we forgive? Because Christ forgave us. God the Father "made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:21). Where is the justice? The cross makes forgiveness legally and morally right: "For the death that He died, He died to sin, once for all" Romans 6:10.

How do you forgive from the heart as instructed in our reference scripture? First, you acknowledge the hurt and the hate. If your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your past, it will be incomplete. This is the great evangelical cover-up. Christians feel the pain of interpersonal offenses, but we won't acknowledge it. Let God bring the pain to the surface so He can deal with it. This is where the healing takes place.

This part hit home for me: If your forgiveness doesn't visit the emotional core of your past, it will be incomplete. This is the great evangelical cover-up. As Christians, we tend to think ourselves less Christ-like when we feel anger and hurt, so we sprinkle a little ‘holy water’ on ourselves and climb up on our spiritual high horses above the ugliness of both the sin against us and the feelings we have endured because of it. Ignoring it does not ‘forgiveness’ make. It doesn’t ‘feel good’ so we push it back into the recesses of our minds and think around it, all the while abscess and infection is quietly eating away at us because we did not allow for healing from God.

Ask God to bring to your mind those you need to forgive. Make a list of all those who have offended you. Since God has forgiven them by His grace, you can forgive them too. For each person on your list, say: "Lord, I forgive (name) for (offenses)." Keep praying about each individual until you are sure that all the remembered pain has been dealt with. Don't try to rationalize or explain the offender's behavior. Forgiveness deals with your pain, not another's behavior. Remember: Positive feelings will follow in time; freeing yourself from the past is the critical issue.