Forgiveness

One day I asked the kids in my 'Tween' class at church where forgiveness begins and where it ends. I was met with wide-eyed faces in response. I asked the question because I like to make them think, ponder concepts and really give more than a passing once over to issues. Forgiveness is an issue they will need and deal with the rest of their lives. Frankly, many people just do not know how.

Forgiveness begins with a decision to forgive. Our soul is made up of our mind, free will, and our emotions. The forgiveness cycle begins when we use our free will to make up our mind to forgive…the emotions usually have to catch up later. If we wait until we 'feel' like forgiving, forgiveness may never happen. However, if we decide to forgive, renewing that decision every day if necessary, the emotions eventually catch up. I like to think God honors our decision and effort to forgive and blesses us with the emotion jumping in. We feel better mentally, spiritually and emotionally when we do not allow un-forgiveness to fester and poison us.

Let's face it, we hurt ourselves more than anyone else when we hold on to past offenses, hurts and anger. Sometimes those we need to forgive are not even aware we feel that way. If we waited for people to ask for forgiveness before we started the process, again, probably not a lot of forgiving going on. Years ago, one of my brothers made a blanket disparaging remark about my life decisions and choices. He was, in a backhanded way, trying to compliment me but it came out as judgmental and …well, backhanded. His words stung and it hurt me to think my brother considered me a failure. I decided at that moment to forgive him and I did. Years later, in another conversation, he was complementing something I had accomplished and I told him it felt good to know he no longer considered me a failure. He was stunned at the remark and asked why I said that. I reminded him of the earlier conversation and he was dumbfounded. He asked me to forgive him, saying he never really felt that way and he didn't know what he could have been thinking when he said it. I informed him I had forgiven him long ago; no need for forgiveness now, it was a done deal. If I had hung on to the hurt and offense I felt when he spoke those painful words, I could have chained myself and been a prisoner for years before he asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is not dependent on the other person; it is ours …our decision, our choice, our path to emotional and spiritual health.

Sometimes the person we need to forgive more than anyone else is ourselves. Un-forgiveness is not prejudice; it applies to and profoundly affects everyone. Sometimes the devil will remind you of a mistake from your past to jiggle the guilt chains. If you have repented and asked God to forgive you, He has. There are no guilt chains from God. The enemy uses filthy old guilt chains to mess with you. Just know, when God forgives, any guilt chains you hear rattling are from the enemy and rebuke it in a hurry! Perhaps you should check to see if you have forgiven yourself. Why hold on to un-forgiveness when God wiped your slate clean?  

Forgiveness is not really in those I refer to as 'The Punishers'. These are people that believe they have the right to make other people 'pay' for their sin, real or perceived. They typically zero in on the offenders most vulnerable area as the target of their punishment. They may have nothing to do with the person they feel has offended them, they may stop talking to them, cut them out of their lives, reject any and all attempts of reconciliation. They usually say they have forgiven the person but continue the punishing behavior until they determine the other person has suffered enough. Usually, the punishing ends when it no longer amuses them or they move on to the next person they must correct. They are never in the wrong, it is always the other person, and no amount of reasoning or asking for forgiveness (assuming the offense is real) appeases them. They hang on to offenses like badges of war. They must exact their revenge and punish those they believe offend. I'm scared for these people! They may be professing Christians yet it would seem they have no idea just how offensive this behavior is to God. I would not want to be in their shoes when they have to account for it.    

So, when does forgiveness end? Never! As long as we walk this earth, we will be disappointed and offended by others. We will disappoint and offend people ourselves. We will always need forgiveness and need to forgive. Remember, God forgives us on the same standard and level we forgive others. Not something to take lightly, is it?