Walking Through the Shadow

If we are not careful to guard our hearts and minds, we can wake up one day finding ourselves in a place we did not intend. Today is one of those days for me. Physically, I am in the safe comfort of my home. Emotionally, I feel beat up. Spiritually, I feel ineffective. Mentally, I want a break from my own mind, to sit and not think at all. Pretty lousy place to be, especially for a Christian writer. I have been here in front of my computer since 5am, that's 4 hours and 17 minutes at this moment in time. Nothing much 'spiritual' about anything has come to me to write. Why? I refer you to the above descriptions of the place I find myself today.

If I gave in to the pressure to write something, anything, to get this blog out, I would be cheating everyone concerned. Apparently, 4 hours and 17 minutes of sitting here have not convinced me to do that. There would not be any integrity in my work if I did so. Therefore, in the name of integrity and transparency, I decided to share my heart and mind knowing it it shows you a side of me that is not flattering.  

I am tired to the core of me. I walked through my normal God time as usual. I read my Bible and the words felt flat, no pearls of wisdom jumping off the page at me today. God's Word hasn't changed, I know that, it is me. I tried to pray...emphasis on 'tried'. I know all the right words to say but words are just that, words. Prayer is not about words, it's about connecting with God, spirit to spirit. I prayed in my prayer language, trusting the Holy Spirit in me was doing it's job, connecting for me. I would be deceiving you if I said I felt it was. I did not "feel" anything, that's why it is so important to "know" and trust and believe the Word of God as it is written.  That is what will get me through this day.

I know everyone of us have days like this. I anticipate it coming to an end soon, this shadow time. I know I stand in the company of Moses, Abraham, Jacob, Joseph, David, Paul, Matthew and even Jesus in my desert experience today. People, as Christians we deal with the same issues non-believers struggle with. Our fates have already been determined and we are not sentenced to live in the state, though we walk through it from time to time. I think Christians are perhaps the least likely to say, admit aloud to others, especially other Christians, "I am struggling. I need you to be my Aaron and help hold up my arms today." It is easier to paste on a phony smile and act as if we didn't have a care in the world than risk feeling spiritually naked in front of those most able to stand in the gap for us and with us. Who does it benefit? No one.  

That being said, I am asking you to stand in the gap with me. I am asking you to pray for the 5 R's for me. They are "renovate," "renew," "restore," "refresh," and "rejuvenate"; all mean to make like new.

 

"Renovate" suggests a renewing by cleansing, repairing, or rebuilding. 

 

"Renew" implies a restoration of what had become faded or disintegrated so it is new again.

 

"Restore" suggests a return to an original state after depletion or loss. 

 

"Refresh" implies the supplying of something necessary to restore lost strength, animation, or power. 

 

"Rejuvenate" suggests the restoration of youthful vigor, powers, or appearance.

 

I know my journey through this valley in the shadow of death is a temporary state, I know my Lord has me in His hand always and I know my heart will be made new again. I know Jesus walks beside me even when I do not see or feel Him. I know Christians need to pray with and for one another when we feel like we can't pray or do not know how to pray when our hearts are weary. This is me saying, "Today, I am weary. I need you, Friend."