Hand Crafted

The older I get the more I think I am developing Adult ADD (Attention Deficient Disorder). My attention span is shrinking and the ability to walk from point A to point B to accomplish a task is sliding down right along side it. Something catches my eye and my mind dashes to that thing. A thought completely irrelevant to what I am thinking or talking about zips through my head and I am off to another area and have forgotten what I was thinking about in the first place. While a touch of this is good for a creative writers mind, it can also slow down reaching a goal.

For instance, if I am working on a section of the book in progress and want to work though that part of the story-line, ten different ideas may come to me for other story-lines for the same book. I have to stop and write them down or I will forget them. Meanwhile, the section I planned to finish in that writing session can be left ignored and incomplete. Often, the new ideas make an impact on the story-line I was working on so I adjust it to make the new idea have a foundation in the story. The creative process is exciting, complex, frustrating, fulfilling and tiring. ADD comes in when I am writing along and excited about what I read as I go when an idea about remodeling the guest bath makes an unannounced visit in my mind and I feel the urge to stop and draw out the idea on paper. See the dilemma? I have countless notebooks and scrap pieces of paper that have tidbits of ideas that came to me at odd times. I am creative so it is not required that I be organized in my creativity…though it would help immeasurably.

The flip side of that coin is that I need some semblance of structure and order to keep my mind at peace. Here is where the knowledge that God is in control helps me the most. The chaos of the creative mind can rest in that knowledge and not feel at risk for losing control of things in my world when the creative side is in action. God has His hand on all of it so I do not need to stress over any of it. I make lists, set goals and have an ability to prioritize and troubleshoot so possible conflicts, or bumps in the road are met head on and not unprepared. I am logical, practical and objective…..usually the opposites of creative.

All creative writing teachers tell you to just write, do not edit or correct errors as you go; just write for a period of time to allow the creativity to run free. I have difficulty doing that. If I see an error, I correct it. I edit my work as I go. I will edit it again and again before I’m through with it. I edit absolutely everything I read and hate that I do. I love to read books that take me out of edit mode and simply carry me along with the story. Other types of writing, newspapers, emails, letters, etc make me crazy with the edit mode; I can not switch it off. Creative right brain vs. Logical left brain; constant tug of war.

So why am I writing about this and why should you care one way or the other about my internal tug of war? I’m sharing all that to say this…sometimes I have gotten down on myself when I thought I was not being creatively productive and other times I have been disappointed with myself because I was not organized and disciplined more than I am. Going to God for help, guidance and forgiveness where needed, He helped me understand that all my quirks and idiosyncrasies make up the unique individual I was created to be. He crafted me, He gave the abilities I have, and He installed my brain to not be dominated by one side or the other. I should consider it a gift of right + left instead of right vs. left. I am ambidextrous; able to use both hands equally and consider this an advantage, so the duel sides of my brain/personality/way of thinking I needed to accept rather than question or get frustrated with. God does not make junk. As imperfect and quirky as I feel I am God sees me as His unique creation and that makes it okay with me!

Maybe I’m the only one that struggles with this sort of thing but I doubt it. I think we are all our own worse critics and we need to give ourselves a break and quit demanding our own standard of perfection from ourselves. The next time you want to beat yourself up over something just remember who created you and that our Master Potter does NOT create junk.