Unscripted Life

Long ago I dated an interesting man…very briefly. This man was intelligent, had many common interests and I found his company pleasant. My children thought he rather looked like a cross between Mr. Rogers and a turtle….hmm. It did not take long to discover he had perceptions regarding personal interactions that were different than my own. Over lunch one work day he expressed feelings of caring for me. Though he expressed himself sweetly, not sharing his level of ‘like’, my reply was unsatisfactory to him. He looked stunned and said. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say.”

Excuse me? What I’m supposed to say? This, friends, was the exact moment of the beginning of the end…

Apparently, he had thought through our conversation beforehand and how it was to play out. He proceeded to tell me what I was supposed to say. Oh, dear…..I wasn’t even close! I told him I had not received a copy of his script and spoke from my heart, not the play he had written. I wasn’t ugly about it but this brought the conversation to an abrupt end. Let’s just say that ½ mile trip from the cafe to my office was very long and quiet that day.

I cannot remember my first conscious thought about scripts you are expected to play but they were early in life. Growing up in a home with an abusive, controlling stepparent, I had first hand experience with roles expected of me. I learned to spot them quickly.

Have you ever carried on an argument or conversation in your head in anticipation of the real conversation? Sure you have. You are writing the script in that moment. You decide you will say, “….” when they say, “…..” and IF they say, “….” instead, THEN you will say, “…” right back at them! If it wasn’t so sadly destructive to relationships it would be ridiculously funny. You are armed and ready with your scripted replies for battle. No allowances made for productive discussion because you already know what they are supposed to say and how you will shoot them down with your loaded, cocked and ready replies! They better just look out because you are armed to blow them out of the water. All the while, you’re feeling very clever about it, too.

The flip side is the scripted less armed discussions, such as the one in the cafe that day. You are expecting certain reactions, displays of affirmation and affection and they never come. You’ve written the script, you know exactly what you will profess at the perfect moment….the perfect moment never materializes and you are left deflated and maybe even with a broken heart. What’s the matter with these people, can’t they see they are messing everything up?! Hurt feelings abound.

The complement that doesn’t come, the acknowledgment due fails to show up, our efforts not recognized, the desired sweet love profession left hanging in the air….these are but a few of the scripted expectations that bring hurt, disappointment and even anger; yet we brought it on ourselves with the scripts we write in our heads and hold others to play out. Most often, the other person is totally unaware you have the script, much less that they are required to read from it. It is a circular dance of destruction.

Equally destructive to productive relationships are those that purposely control and manipulate with a constantly fluid approval system that no one can please or meet the ever changing standard; consequently, these people never dispenses approval regardless of how the other tries. The script here is changing so often you could not read it if you tried and wanted to. These are the people I feel sad for; they are never happy, never let anyone else be happy and are never satisfied. They probably do not realize their script writing is the biggest cause of their lack of satisfaction because they are too busy blaming everyone that doesn’t rise to their constant script changes.

Regardless of the scripts people try to foist on us, we have but one to please and He is the author of peace, love, and acceptance. If we are not feeling any of these then we are reading the wrong material. Next time you bump into a script look to see who the author might be. If it leaves you feeling defeated, deflated, destroyed or destructive…walk away. Refuse the part in the play of scripted life some may attempt to hand you. God made you unique, creative and full of love; those are the only roles we need accept.Live an unscripted life for even a moment and you will know a freedom that has no boundaries; a freedom to be all God created you to be without the stage of a scripted life.