Torn Between Two Loves

I love mornings; it is my favorite time of day. I do not understand why some people stay up late and miss the mornings. Everything is all fresh and new in the mornings this time of year. New baby leaves on the trees, the Dayflowers that grow wild in my yard and the mornings just seem more alive. My blog is named Truth in the Morning for a couple of reasons. First, it is an extension of the ministry my Honey and I started when we married named Truth in Love Ministries. Secondly, mornings are my best writing time. So, I am following the leading of the Lord by writing for Him…in the morning!

This is where my conflict begins. Mornings are my best writing time and it happens to be the only time I can get out in the garden that demands constant attention this time of year. I am torn between two loves and struggle to divide my time. The sun and I are no longer best buddies and I am very limited in the amount of time I can spend in it. This required early morning garden maintenance….my dedicated writing time. It is the dedicated writing time because it is my best brain time. I learned of myself a long time ago that anything requiring concentrated brain work was best done in the mornings. Afternoons, around two-ish, it starts sliding into neutral. When I worked in the corporate world years ago I left tasks like going through the mail and other less challenging To-Do’s for afternoon work. This would be a perfect brain time for weeding if I could be in the sun….pooh! To this day I do not like to discuss anything of importance in the evenings because I know I’m not functioning on all cylinders.

I think my writing concentration of late has been easily disturbed because of my torn desires to write vs. gardening. This may seem like a fairly benign issue in your world but it is a biggie in mine.

Where it becomes a biggie in all our lives is when we are torn between walking out our faith walk and skipping over into the flesh world from time to time. When we say we believe Jesus will carry our burdens and we expend energy, time and emotion in worrying over them, we are being double minded. We are all guilty of this from time to time. Basically, we are torn between two loves…trusting Jesus and wanting control over our lives. Contrary to how we act sometimes, the Lord does not need our help and our attempts to ‘work something out’ are really doubt in disguise. This is far more dangerous than my writing/gardening struggle and it is even more common. Scripture warns against such thinking in James 1:2-8:

2 Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, 8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

I have been guilty of such double mindedness and strive to eliminate that thinking from my life. I’m not always successful but I always ask for forgiveness when I fall and push on knowing I can do nothing on my own. Seriously, when I truly give all over to the Lord, His yoke is light and my burdens are lifted from my shoulders. How ridiculous to repeatedly pick burdens up from the foot of the cross! If I am to be torn between two loves I want it to only be my writing and garden time……