Relationship Deposits

There is a line in an old Bette Midler movie that stuck with me all these years. It resounded in my spirit because I identified with it. One simple sentence brought a complex mentality into play. One character said to another, "You have used me up!"

I've felt like that before. We've all had someone in our life at one time or another that simply drained our energy and emotional resources. Our reservoir of 'caring' for and about this person drained, leaving us nothing else to give. There is no water in an empty well. It can be taxing to hear their voice, see their face, or even think about having to interact with them. We tend to screen their calls, avoiding them at all cost whenever possible.

Typically, they have no idea they have 'insufficient funds in your relationship account' and, sadly, it would not occur to them to consider it one-way or the other. Often, they blow through relationships like a hurricane, leaving damage and devastation in their wake. Always assuming their joint account owners, be it a relative or (pseudo) friend, will be there to pick up the pieces repeatedly. They are confused and bewildered when they look around and do not find you ready, willing, and able meet their need when they need you once more. It is in those times they determine you were a lousy friend in the first place and deem you completely unreliable. They are attempting to draw on an empty account and do not realize it.

Relationships thrive when each person contributes to the relationship account. Mutual support and encouragement feed that account. Relationships are investments that grow when participants make regular deposits. There are circumstances when one person needs to make a significant withdrawal from the joint relationship account, like needing more from the joint owner during a personal crisis. However, when that same person continually withdraws and does not replenish once the crisis is over, it weakens and drains the account. People 'use other people up' when they drain relationship accounts. It's all mathematics, really. If you continually subtract and never add back in, you end up in the red both in financial matters and in relationship accounts.

We know when someone is draining our emotional relationship account; have we looked around lately to see if we may be draining an account with someone else? Since we can tell that the person draining our account with them doesn't seem to have a clue, is it possible we may be draining a different account without insight to that fact? All relationships, be they business related or personal, need a regular audit to determine the fiscal health and stability. Are our deposits greater than our withdrawals? Are we making a point of reviewing our relationship accounts, connecting with our joint account owners, to make sure we are on the same page? Does our account partners feel our presence in account maintenance or do they feel they are carrying the load? Do you know? Do you care? Feeling 'used up' by another is hurtful and disappointing. Take care to protect your investments in relationships. They add value and enrich our lives. Spend wisely and invest frequently; a good relationship is more valuable than gold. I am thankful for and blessed by mine!