Listening Without Hearing

Yesterday I had an occasion to see active non-listening in action. This played out before my eyes while visiting an elderly family member in the hospital. It made an impression on me. My relative is recovering from hip replacement surgery. She’s been in a lot of pain and still needs help with basic needs at this point. She called the nurse in to help facilitate nature’s call. I’m close to this woman, so she told me not to leave the room; thus my front row seat.

The interesting point was that, while doing her job with efficiency and trained skill, the nurse was so determined to follow protocol that she was not listening to the expressed needs of a little elderly woman in pain and urgent need. They were both talking but neither listening to the other. The nurse was verbally running through the correct steps to take thinking this was being heard and understood by her patient. Her patient didn’t give a hoot about protocol and the urgency of her situation was being verbalized though not heard by the nurse. It was all very chaotic; noisy with unheard words, the scene became busy with pointless action.

This was a fine example of listening without hearing.

I’ve come to recognize the moment my Honey ceases to hear me talking. His eyes glaze over and his efforts to stay focused on my face start to falter. Usually this happens if I start talking about paint color choices or anything else related to décor.

When we listen but do not hear, we are cheating all parties involved. We need to listen with our ears and our eyes. Non-verbal communication speaks loudly! We may be missing cues and clues that would take our understanding to new depths. Making eye contact with the speaker shows respect for them and what they are telling you. Nothing builds fences in relationships like people that feel they are not being heard!

Today, take the time to be aware of your listening skills. Watch out for these things:

Are you busy thinking of what you will say next or are you truly focused on what the other person is sharing? No one can really hear the other person if they are actively thinking of a response instead.

Do you interrupt the person speaking to you? This is a sure sign you’re thinking of your reply; interrupting someone says loudly you think your opinion is more important than anything they are saying. That is never conducive to good communication.

Do your eyes scan the room when someone is talking to you instead of looking at them? This shows lack of interest, disrespect and makes that person feel like you are looking for someone you’d rather be talking to than them. No good listening skills going on here.

Can you repeat the meat of the conversation you just had or are the facts fleeing your mind at the speed of light? If you do not know what the other person just told you, you are sadly making no effort.

This can become an issue in interpersonal relationships. That is what made the scene in the hospital room so poignant yesterday. The most important relationship of all is the one we have with God. I think we are guilty, on occasion, of being like that nurse; chattering away in an effort to be correct but not really listening for the voice of God. Too busy to hear what He has to tell us. We think we know what to do and we get about it.

Other times, we can be like my precious relative. We get so caught up in what we perceive as the urgency of our situation we send up harried prayers and cries of need, never stopping long enough to listen for a reply. We know what we want to hear or have happen; we can drown out anything else the Lord may try to do for us.

Ask God to show you where you need help in being an active ‘hearer’; doing more than just passive listening. He’ll do His part but we have to do our part and make a conscience effort to discard old ineffective listening patterns. Monitor yourself, stop in your tracks when you catch yourself acting in old habits. Make an effort to be the best listener you can actually be. You’ll find tuning into other people on purpose helps you tune into God more intuitively as well.