Empty Nest to the 2nd Power

My husband, John, and I are in a new phase of life. Having spent the past several years raising grandchildren, we are now living as a couple in a much quieter home where the echoes of kids-no-longer here bounce off of walls. I can’t tell you how many days that grew into weeks that became years I had wished for and waited somewhat impatiently for this time to come. Now it has and I’m not so sure I’m crazy about it.

I do like being able to come and go as I wish without timing everything around the school bus schedule. However, I find I still listen for them to pass by. One of the drivers honk each morning to say hello to me, it's bittersweet. Sitting in a cramped auditorium to watch our grandchild do or receive whatever it is he/she was doing or receiving was not always fun but I seem to miss it. It was with great sadness that I checked each child out of his/her school when they moved back with their mom. Waiting in the hall to speak with the Principle when your charge was in trouble can be a humbling experience but waiting to withdraw them, knowing you will have no other reason to ever wait in that hall again is a bit emotional. Who knew? Our four live-in grandchildren left at different times, so this experience was repeated three times. It never got any easier.

Finally having the time to devote to the career I have dreamed about in writing, I have been going through my missives and ramblings to put together a portfolio to show perspective clients. Thanks to the age of computers, they are lined up like soldiers in My Documents. As a frustrated writer, I have accumulated many documents, a lot of which were written for the purpose of educating the kids and creating more harmony in our home through structure. For instance, there is the outline for Making Your Plan. I’m a planner, so making plans comes naturally to me but that is not necessarily so of everyone. So, one year during our in-house summer school, I taught a class on how to organize your thoughts and make a plan for any task before you. In spite of the kids looking at me like I was insane, a regular occurrence, we utilized this plan making outline. It still lives on in My Documents but I doubt the kids even give it an occasional thought. Why does it make me sad to see it standing at attention, all neglected and forgotten by the people it was intended to serve? So many similar well intended albeit a waste of time attempts to touch lives of the little ones stand in line as well.

I’d like to believe we made a difference in their lives, more than just providing a roof, clothing and food. I’d like to know the foundation we believed in and fostered will stick with them. Maybe that’s where part of this uneasy sadness comes from. I don’t know. I just know we are thankful they are able to live a normal life with their mom again. This is a good thing. They live two hours away now, too far for attending regular ceremonies in crowded auditoriums. Too far for morning and bedtime hugs and kisses. Life with mom is different than life here. They all seem to be doing well. That should be enough. At least that is what I tell myself when the silence becomes so loud I can’t think.

This is not my first experience with the Empty Nest Syndrome. I did raise and watch my kids leave after all but somehow this time it is a wee bit harder.